I really don't feel like carrying myself forward. Had a terrible brain exhaustion today during tution. I'm tired of giving excuses for not concentrating. I lost all my motivation, all my strength. I feel like there is no hope left in this world. No mercy left for me!!! I wish the would would end now, today!! I want to keep moving no but I can't. I feel like its too late. Its 19days left to that day and I'm having memory loss! Jesus Christ! Yeah him! Had a bad/good dream this morning and I thought I could change it for the best!
My study habit sucks to the max! I'm getting demoralized by smart people! Yeah, smart people, the ones that find people with unadequate knowlegde to their standard invisible. ARGH!!! I'm not invisible FYI! I'm like 174cm tall!!!
My practical exam was like crap today. Not my chemistry through. My physics actually sucked the brain juice out of me. It was something on prism and refractive index and all. Atleast chemistry was not as bad, I managed to name the salt, it was copper sulphate! Thank god for that. In the last minute, Amanda, infront of me did this thing and there was a pop sound. LOLs. Thanks Amanda. And guess who was my table partner?? JANSEN CHEW!! The guy I so much detest, well not so much, he is kinda cute maybe, but not all the time. *Ooh I love it when he winks at me when I get mad at him* Well whatever. He took the lighter which was supposed to be in the middle of the bench. And I had to call the teacher and all because if i asked him, it would be chating and cheating! Then I had to help him with the cleaning of basin! I'm such a great lab partner aren't I? I have to put up with him in another 19days when my O level practical starts.
It's like so creepy, they lock you up in the AVA room, make u put your handphones envelopes which were already used by the school before, then bring u to the lab, which is super creepy place because they usually keep the windows and all open, but this time its like a freeky haunted lab! Then it started raining and it was so cold that I could not concentrate. I felt someone looking at me all the time, and guess what, my A maths teacher mdm.vani was looking at me now and then. She gave me the cold shoulder! Like the China teacher who talks real weird. Then they bring you to the learning hub/library *What a dumb name* have buns and mineral water and expect you to buy them while waiting. Thank god we only had to sit for one hour. And in that one hour, I could not do anything much.
I really miss Ian Montgomerie. He would be having so much fun in Philippines right now. But look at me, trying to get myself to do some work.
I NEED MOTIVATION!
And at the point when I need to be studying the most, I have important things to do. On monday, I'm having E learning day which means tons of homework on paper and online. Then on tuesday I would have to sit for my Tamil prelim paper 1, then go for the youth barbecue, then we would probably overnight because on wednesday we would be having family picnic with the rest of the church. Why does Aunty Padma have to pick such a time! I could seriously spend those time getting some work done. Yeah and you might think, " Well don't go ". I can't don't go! I have to. Commitments and being the 1st batch of youth and the female assistant youth leader, blah blah! Gosh, all of a sudden I feel like I'm being a complain queen.
Or was it that I had always been one? God knows and I guess he is tired of hearing my pleas everytime! Maybe he doesn't. LOLs.
Oh and I simply just keep forgetting to say that my step brother had a son yesterday. Which makes my dad a grandfather! LOL my dad is old ok. He is 53 already. Oh and that make me an aunt. Maybe technically it makes me a step aunt. Well I was a cousin aunt sometime back because my cousin in London had 2 kids already, Aaron and Pheobe. I wonder what my step brother is going to call his son. Maybe it would be a super cool and fancy name. My uncle from australia came too, but not to see us, when did my father ever get respect? He was the youngest spoilt brat who never worked at all. I don't want to turn out anything like him. I want to be all smart and rich like his brothers and their own children!
