Yesterday was really the day to remember.
Somehow the happy gang who ligtened up my mood became so silent and moody too.
Must admit I had so much fun but during the funeral service everyone started showing tears...
So unlike of the gang.
If melanie and I cried then there was a reasonable explanation but all of a sudden when the rest became emotional it was a sight ot behold.
Looks like everyone has had something stuffed up inside.
Pastor went on talking about Vishnu and how at this moment he would be in heaven with god.
After the little sermon we got on the bus and headed towards mandai crematorium and coloubarium.
They took vishnu's coffin away but before that most of us crowded around it and started crying.
Its not shameful, even i cried badly.
Then we were led into a room which had a glass panel and we could see some open spaces.
Then we saw Vishnu's coffin moving in.
It was as if it has legs but actually there was a roller thing at the bottom which moved it.
Then that was the last of it.
The coffin moved in and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
That was it.
The walk to the bus seemed longer than usual.
Melanie seemed to have lost control becoz after me vishnu doted on her.
Eric and Vignesh were holding on to her, both of them at her sides.
I walked with lionel and pheobe who seemed exceptionally silent which was such a far cry from her usualy hyper self.
When we got on the bus we travelled in silenece.
The church members who were present had already left in another bus.
So it was just family on the bus.
We got home and started finding places to sit and digest the scene.
Then around 8pm we had dinner as a whle family.
Family as in all the uncles and aunties which came to 37 people if i counted correctly.
Then after that we headed back upstairs while Jessica, Donald, Jareed, Pheobe, Joshua started packing.
Martin, Mike, Eric and Melanie will be leaving on sunday.

Then i made a decision that i would have to skip sch again.
So this morning i still had to wake up at around 4plus because i had to get ready for jessica's flight which left at 7.30am.
SInce all the teens wanted to go to the airport, the parents decided they would jus send off frm home while we go.
Uncle Paul called a call van or something which was able to accomodate all 16 os us.
Uncle Paul and Uncle Manzy drove in Uncle manzy's car with uncle Ronald and aunty Padmini and all of their belongings.
When we got to the airport we waited for them to check in then went to MacDonalds to have breakfast.
Then it was time for the flight and we said goodbyes and exchanged loads of hugs and kisses and promised to be in touch through the blog.
Jessica seemed so sad to leave but swedish plane means no turning back...
Then uncle paul had to go back to fetch Uncle Raja and Aunty Cecilia (Donald & Pheobe) along with Uncle Simon and Aunty Abigail (Jareed & Joshua).
So uncle manzy kept us company and asked if we wanted some chocolates or anything but we refused to have anyting.
Seated at MacDonalds we felt it was quite boring.
Out of 16 of us 1 has already left, soon 4 more will leave which means 11 of us will be left. Then on sunday 4 more will leave, left with 7 of us.
Man time flied quite fast.
At 10plus the plane leaving for australia arrived and joshua and jareed had to go.
Jareed before leaving came to me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on my forehead.
For almost 4 days he has kept me alive with his big hugs and im going to miss it.
Joshua gave me a hug too telling me to stay strong.
Aunty abigail kissed me and left with uncle simon who gave me a wide smile.
Going to miss his jokes.

Then we got Donald, Pheobe, Uncle raja and Aunty cecilia checked in and started to walk around.
Pheobe was clinging onto me and she seemed hard to get rid of *kidding*
Then we took the sky train to Terminal 3 and walked around again.
Then had lunch at Terminal 3 and headed back and we realised that we had gone a bit off time.
The train for england was leaving soon so in a rush we exhanged good byes while donald and pheobe gave me a hug and donald's big brother kiss.
It was a funny sight seeing them run inside.
The whole family was a mess.
LOL.
Running all over the place and uncle raja and aunty cecilia gave me a group hug *that is what they are well known for* and rushed in.

That was the end.
Left with 11.
We went back outside and waited for a big van to come and when it did we already had been waiting for almost 40mins.
So we got in and we are all back at the hall which still has a lot of chairs and tables uncleared.
Uncle Manzy asked if we should go and watch a movie later and everyone is trying to get their hands on the laptop so that they can check the timeslots for the movie.
Man its going to be a long day...
Oh and teeya thanks for picking up my homework.
Very sweet of you.
One day I will repay your kindness is any way possible

well now its already going to be 3am.
and we haven't been changing shifts anymore.
infact all 14 of us are already hanging out downstairs.
no one to say a thing abt us.

after yesterdays posting, i went down and saw andrea, jessica and lionel dozzing off.
man i was so envious.
i could not get a wink.
at around 3plus i woke em up and told em to back upstairs to sleep and i would take care.
stayed alone downstairs and i must say it was quite creepy. *try staying downstairs with a body and a silent surrounding.*
bt then at 4 uncle mano *whom i love to call uncle manzy or daddy* came down all so sleepy and shagged.
he said tat there are still loads of ppl who haven't slept and he thought maybe i was asleep and realised i had gone down with no one's company.
so being the nice guy, he stayed there with me and we started talking.
he told me abt how when i used to be very young i would refuse to sleep without having vishnu holding me on his shoulders and the moment he carried me i would fall asleep.
he said we both used to be a bunch, always creating trouble.
i think i miss those times.
whenever something interesting happened we would call each other and talk abt it.
even this yr vishnu was telling me how my birthday was going to be very special.
what so special now that he is gone huh?
we talked and talked till my alarm for 6.45 rang.
as i started clearing up some of the mess we made, aunty veronica had already come *mike n martin's mum*
she saw me in such a state that she started crying too.
man after calming her down i rushed up to take a shower and saw that it was holding 6 ppl including me.
all brushing their teeth,
uncle david and uncle steven were late for work and were washing up fast.
man i did not even brush my teeth properly.
grabbed my uniform and got changed and sprayed perfume like hell. *victorias secret*
then uncle manzy sent me till chong pang and frm there took the bus reached sch on time.

somehow i felt great being at sch.
my whole body had changed.
i kinda had fun.
especially during out jurong island trip.
bt now and then the subject death kept popping up and it was horrible.
after the trip was over, walked with teeya to mac then went to taxi stand to get a taxi to head home bt then realised that i needed to take my bible and my phone charger.
well pradeep had a bible bt my charger was important.

got homt and saw dad in a horrible state.
cursed him a bit and asked tracia help with my blog.
then left only to reach vishnu's place at 7plus.
when i got there i saw so much of wires lying around. *i guess there was no need for me to get my charger, there were atleast 3 ppl who used the same brand as me*
when i got to the toilet, i cld nt help bt notice a post it on the door.
it was a list of people going in. *more like people reserving their place*
i wrote down my name after aunty hilda's which meant 7 other ppl had to shower 1st.
so i started editing my blog skin and stuff.
finally when it was my turn, i was so happy.
so happy that i left the comp on and my nosy cousins got to work.
leaving comments on the post.
very nosy ppl.

well dinner was great.
the women cooked up a feast with the help of the great chef uncle manzy *upload pics soon*
oh and uncle jacob got all the teens shirts to wear tml.
oh and also the oldies.
so every one who is family gets to be in the uniform
i think mine looks great huh.

now came up and thought before i forgot abt everything i wld blog.
still haven't been able to sleep.
maybe soon.
bt i will probably sleep downstairs.
gonna miss sch tml sadly, bt it has to happen soon.
hope i dn miss much
sorry teeya that u wld nt have me to go thru 2 hours with u.
bt im sure u willnot realise that 2 hours went by so fast.
love you.
bye.

thanks to all cousins who hav been trying to make me feel better. im feeling colour return to me again.

it is going to be 2am soon.
and im glad tat pradeep has allowed me to use his laptop.
though its going to be 2am in the morning, the house feels like its only 7pm.
so many buzzing ard.
i really wanted to blog now so that i will remember today.

after my post last evening *about 8 hours ago* i went to church for my cell group.
all the time i kept to myself bt the church members did not allow it to happen.
the news of bringing my cousin into christ minutes before he died caused alot of commotion.
people were all so proud and came to shake my hand, some comforted me with a hug or two.
pastor kept looking at me incase i broke down all of a sudden *truth was i had been shedding tears*.
it had been an unexpected death.
and pastor spoke to me in his office.
he said he understood how i felt and that sometimes somethings had to come to an end.
he was proud that even through the difficult time when his family was not in christ and when everyone was in midst of pain i managed to pull through a prayer.
he said that many people would have been mad at me for the deed i had done.
bt i could not be bothered.
uncle manzy allowed me to keep my belongings in his car.
which meant i did not have to leave it over at pradeep's house.

pastor came along but left soon when he got an urgent phone call he did say that he wil conduct the funeral service on thursday and he also told all teh church members to be present.
after he left i managed to get a good look at everything.
vishnu's coffin was white in colour with a golden cross engraved.
he was dressed like a groom.
he was layed on white cloth and had his hand clenched together as if he was praying.
a lone white rose was stuffed into his coat pocket.
he looked so handsome.
25 years old and he had to meet with such a tragic accident.
man i loved him so much

alot of people were present.

martin and mike jus made it awhile ago. staying over at late vishnu's home
their parents will be coming in tml. will be staying in hotel

aunty mary butlet from london also made it with her 2 daughters, son in law and a grand daughter and a grandson. *her original name was mahalakshmi, eldest daughter from my father's side. became a christian got married to a white man then divorced him, dunno why* planned to stay in a hotel.

dad's other brother from australia made it too with his wife and 2 daughters and is staying over at grandma's place.

and yes all the rest of the families had arrived.
every single one of my dad's siblings, relatives,cousins.
why even my step brothers and sister made it.
all except my dad.
reason??
he got drunk...
mum called me at 10plus and told me that he is drunk...
does all this hav to happen now.
all i can expect is that for the nest few days he is going to stir up fights, stop going to work, drink and drink and drink.
he is injecting insulin into his body and even at this time he has lost his mind.

everyone was asking about him...
what could i say?
he is working?? *people will think he only cares abt himself?*
he got drunk?? *they would still speak ill of him*
bt i must thank uncle manzy for covering up everything.
no one knows except me and uncle manzy but now i bet my cousins would be reading it and they would find out.
so please cousins.
anything but this.
don't speak a word.

all cousins seemed dressed up for a party.
jashvitha is wearing something like a pyjamas. *sleepover party right?*
donald is wearing his t shirt with bemudas *beach party*
andrea and jessica were wearing flowery dresses. *prom night?*
shindhu is wearing a red top with blue jeans *casual, she is so in with me*
vignesh is wearing a formal white top with black pants. *came back from work*
lionel wore a formal white shirt with black jeans. *he expected everyone else to be formal*
pheobe was a white blouse with a blue skirt. *dinner date?*
pradeep was wearing a black t shirt with jeans *bt changed to a green t shirt
when i reinforced the fact that it was a christian funeral not a hindhu one* *green week i suppose*
and me??
a blue t shirt with black jeans.
i was no ready to be so solemn but i did look like one.
no one cried like me seriously.

adults had things to do so they left us to do shifts with vishnu.
i certainly did not need shifts.
i stayed there for the longest time while the 5 of them along with joshua and jareed took turns coming down for an hour.
my shift officially started at 3.30am because we only started our shift at 11.30 when the hall was much quieter.
well now im sure jessica and andrea are having their turn but something tells me that the guys are keeping them company.
mike and martin wanted to come down during my shift becoz i volunteered to stay till 6.30 then get ready for school.
everyone agreed becoz after 3.30am they would be able to get sleep.
but by 6.30 mike and martin's parents would be in so probably they would come in to see vishnu.
which means i will get to freshen up to get to sch.
i guess i would start doing my amaths homework. *i haven't started it*
then maybe finish my harry potter and the order of the pheonix.
man life is not so simple!!!
i have to worry abt mum and how she wd be putting up with dad.
atleast i would not have to go home till thursday once the cremation is done.

i am so going to have dark circles under my eyes becoz i slept late on monday night *around 1am?* then woke up at around 4 *which means i had less than 3 hours of sleep* and today i haven't even gotten a wink of sleep.
uncle manzy gave me his duplicate car keys incase i wanted to get some sleep *the house is holding too much people already*
the master bedroom is not personal anymore.
all the infant monkeys and irritating pests and being held in the room while vishnu's room and pradeep's room is holding 14teens altogether.
all the parents are holding up in the guest room and living room.
so many matresses are all over the place.
why even the kitchen is holding up people.
uncle david a snorer is on the dining table.
man he is not the only snorer, even the ladies here sound horrible.
its so difficult to move around.

now i think i better get moving downstairs so that would be able to have some more time with vishnu.
i dn think i can bathe tml so dear friend if u see me in sch tml keep a distance.

it is going to be a long day tml and won't be back till 6plus.
hope atleast then the place has cleared all the friends so that we can hav jus the family fun *bt family fun is not the main importance. its my shower tat i look forward to having after the latest one which i had on sunday afternoon* *i know. i should stink badly, bt i dn't. victoria secrets perfume has shown its use, thanks andrea*
and i hope that vishnu does not smell.
im keeping his branded perfume in arm's reach jus in case.

i am so tired...
what more can happen in one day?
got a call in the morning at around 4plus.
my cousin vishnu got into an accident and was in hospital.
i was stolen of my sleep.
but who cared abt sleeping.
i took a quick shower and called for a taxi and left.
man the hospital was crowded.
almost all my relatives had arrived.
even calls were made to my aunt in london and uncle in australia.
i loved my cousin so much.
he was the eldest cousin of all.
he got into an accident early in the morning and when i got to the hospital i could not see him that state.
i held his hand and cried for what seemed hours.
when he opened his eyes, he only made one request.
that was to pray for him.
not for him to get healed.
bt to become a christian.
i cried even more horribly.
he said that its his life and he wants to be a child of god.
i did pray for him and his parents whom i presume were mad left the ward.
uncle manzy stood by me as i prayed and after i prayed for vishnu he made his final death wish.
to have a christian funeral.
he accepted christ.
i kept telling him that he would nt die.
bt he said that he knew his time has come.
he said he will meet me in heaven and with that he passed on.
i never saw a death taking place right in front of my eyes.
it was so hard to digest.
he died at 4.55am
everything happened so fast.
i loved him so much.
uncle manzy and i went out while the rest of his family came out.
it was really such a painful experience.
i decided that it was time to miss my study programme today and uncle manzy kept me company along with vishnu's buddy.
my uncle and aunt did nt refuse their son's last death wish when uncle manzy told them.
as the hospital started clearing the slience enshrouded me again.
i had no mood for anything.
stayed at vishnu's house awhile and thought of all the great time we had.
even mum could not console me becoz she had to be consoled.
she treated vishnu like her son.
dad was feeling so bad to be present.
mum left early.
i stayed with uncle manzy and left with him at 4.30
now im back home to freshen up.
i'll be leaving my house later to go to my cell group.
pastor has agreed to conduct the funeral service which is set on wednesday 4pm.
i feel like missing sch till wed.
bt im sure vishnu would not have liked tat.
he would wan e to go to sch and study hard like he did and become an engineer like him.
he was my best great cousin
we had so much fun when we hung out with each other.
it hurts to see him leave, but i know that even if i die tml, i'll see him in heaven.
uncle manzy said i did a brave thing today.
still.
im lost.
im so lost without being able to talk to vishnu.
bt he is gone.
this is the worst death i have put up with this yr.
after going to church i'll be going back to vishnu's place.
overnighting there tonight and will go to sch straight from there.
arghh...
man i miss vishnu.

Rest in Peace Vishnu.

Essay Title: Influence.



*This happened to be the question that I tried for my Mid Year Exams and I thought that I really made it as this was the best essay in my whole life, i think, anyway i got a 15/30 for this essay. Something that was unexpected. I guess I really did go out of point, story follows...*

Well today Ive officially become the band manager of "Destiny's Evolution". *no kidding*
Its a band which was started by rey and currently has ken and nazri.
I know at this point it may not be a gd idea.
But ive already told the guys that i won't be committed till after my O levels.
They seem to understand too.

Man i wasted sometime playing this cool game called neighbours from hell. *thanks Eliza for giving me the game*
I guess i have all the time in the world to play the game.
So i will just concentrate on the most important.

Can't wait for tonight.
Mike and Martin will be calling me tonight and i expect that we would be hanging on the phone for ages. LOL
Can't wait for tomorrow.
Class photo taking.
Its the fourth and final year so i hope everyone turns up...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THANUSHA DARLING :)

i would like to say sorry before hand because i think i might offend a whole load of people today in my post.
i find that i have not been very truthful in my blog.
and its time because sometimes when you keep things inside for too long its not helpful.

i have learned a lesson never to interfere in another person's business
even if it is my best friend getting hurt.
images flow into my mind as i grab hold of some of them.
i agree i was mad.
who wld not be.
esp when my friend was being hurt.
i stood up for her and in the process made enemies.
now even my enemy (though she hates me) still talks to me.
but you don't.
truthfully everytime i see yr face i feel like smacking you with something.
i admit i was not suposed to be involved.
hey even u were not supposed to, its was their problem.
look at us now.
we aren't talking and i have this very sour feeling when i look at you.
i guess its all my fault for getting involved and saying things i was not supposed to.
bt i can't turn back time can i?
well if you are mad well hey I AM SO SORRY.
bt seriously i dunno what u r thinking.
& you.
what was it all about saying things that you have overcome you problem and don't need help from anyone. blah blah blah.
full of crap was it not.
i thought i trusted you.
i thought u were different.
but u are indifferent from everyone else.

i must thank fathiah though.
she has always made me smile and i love her loads.

you people are nothing like bff.
jus backstabbers and idiots.
friends stay through thick and thin.
loved me didn't you then.
but not anymore.
now u hate me.
ive seen your true colours and sitting infront of me acting so pathetic is not helping.

English results was like crap today.
I never wanted this to happen but it did.
In my whole 16 years of living, I never failed anything that had got to do with english.
I failed my english comprehension. 15/50
What the heck was I thinking.
Only 3 people out of 38 students passed compre.
It was so horrible.
I was shocked.
Never, ever did I fail english.
But the thing that did calm me down was my Compo & Sitational writting.
I recieved 15/30 for my compo.
I must admit that I was not very happy because I usually get 18 onwards.
But the fact that most of my classmates had gotten single digit for their compo was unspeakable.
I mouth praise in my heart when I recieved my paper 1 and was relieved.
The marker commented that I had excellent use of english and used great words to my ability but added that I went out of point. *gosh I kind of suspected something like that*
My situational writting could have been done better too. 16/30
I kind of used the wrong format and furthermore I did not have a proper ending.
I think i deserved there marks.
But I still haven't recovered from the shock that I failed my compre badly.
I mean if I had gotten 20plus/50 I would have understood that the passage was tough.
But a 15??
Man its so crazy right now.

reading jo's blog, i realised that even i have missed a great part of my life.
i read her tue's blog abt J&J's birthday.
somehow i must admit i felt the same way too.
well maybe jo, they really were special and who r we?
a bunch of people who r invisible.
we don't have feelings.
like robots.
it is unfair jo.
but u r not the only one treated differently even i am treated differently.
not only were u told to go into the room, but me too.
bt i guess she was a bit more ruder to you.
well i feel left out too.
everyone has their own circle of friends and those who promised to bff broke it.
no more bff.
all i have are my god siblings that i only get to see during recess.
we may have friends but like jo said they r never there when we need them.
i guess jo its life.
unhappiness but still things to move on with.

man i still salute you cai ning for keep my past within you buried.
somtimes i regreted telling you my problems and my pain and my past.
i was afraid that you would make a big deal out of it and all.
but i appreciate the fact that u haven't told anyone abt it. Or have you?

Man I must say that I could not concentrate during E-maths test.
All I could hear ringing in my ears were sounds of calculators.
Don't people have the courtesy to be gentle with their calculators.
Not for the calculators sake but for the people around you.
Man I was getting pissed.
I did hiss now and then but I guess they had no idea what I was hissing about.

Its time for registration for the DSA&DPA.
I could choose to register for either one or both.
But I would like more options opened to me.
So Im applying for both JC & Poly.
I hope they send me offers.

oh and by the way you can choose to comment about my post in whatever way u wan coz i dn care really. becoz i never going to get hurt by what other people say abt me. u hate me? then fine i don't care. i am who i am. u can't change me. so don't try. hurting me with what u say, never works. coz you are nothing in my eyes. jus dust.

10 days to Mother Tongue O Level
31 days to my birthday *well who cares about it after all* (making mental note to stop posting about it)

don't ask me what happened.
coz im not going to tell.
i just felt so heart broken today and i felt the pain.
its so hard to swallow that so many years has passed.
soon the time that i dreaded most will come.
when it does al i hav to do is to sit and pray.

it sucks really especially when you try to smile.
you know that you are not happy but still you don't want people asking you about it.
all through the day, i admit i had a fake smile.
still no one looked through it.
it was something that i was so pissed off about.
something that i don't know what or why

i felt rejected.
i did not do anything bt still im being punished.
its not fair.
no justice is being done to me.
i hate everything.
i got into reality.
finally.

but now that im back to being serious don't say that u will miss veni anymore.
no more will you see the veni that was hyper and energetic.
jus plain veni, no smile.
moody, fake smiled veni.
just me, myself and I.

sometimes don't you get so pissed when people pretend as if they hav no idea what u r toking abt.
sometimes you wish that all you can do is just to disappear.
sometimes you just find that no matter how mature u act, u get more childish.
sometimes amidst all pain there is someone who gives you more pain.
sometimes all you want is for atleast one person to like you.

till the end you never get what you want.
you know that u r the nastiest person alive and still you r the nicest person around.
its hard
but its the fact.

not everyone likes a person who has everything.
times go by and sometimes you feel jealous.
but everything becomes clear when it comes to light.

i admit i can be nasty.
but hey doesn't everyone have a bad hair day?
if you wanted someone to do something nice to you.
then isn't it time you did the same thing in return.
life is never fair.
what you want is not what you get.

11 days to Mother Tongue O Level
32 days to my birthday

4E1
GOSSIP STYLE
SMB COUNCIL
SMB EXECUTIVE 08

WONG SI YING
VEEKNESH WAREN
TAN CAI NING
TAN JIAN WEN
KRISHNA VENI
YANG REYNOLDS
TRACIA WEE
ABIGAIL

EVANGELINE
LUQMAN
LYNETTE DARLING
SAFI
SALINA
SHOU XIAN

AISYAH
ARVIND
AZIELA
--
BHARATHI
--
CELESTE
CHENYI
CYNTHIA
--
DAVID SEETO
DEVA
DINA
DIYANA TAN
DIYANAH
--
ELIZA
ESTHER
--
FAREEZAH
FATHIAH
--
HAMSATH
HAZWANI
--
IAN
IRHANA
ISABEL
--
JAI
JOANNE
--
KARTHIK
--
LYNETTE
--
MARCELLE
MELISSA
MELANIE HENDRICKS
MELODY MONTANO
--
NITHIYA
--
REKHA
ROHENI
--
SHARAS
SHOUKO
SOPHIA
SWEE CHOO ROCHELLE
--
THANUSHA
--
VANESSA JJ
--
YEE TIEN
YING RU
--
ZOE

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