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♥Saturday, April 19, 2008 ' 12:33 PM ♥

Awesome. ♥

I guess its over now.
I was babbling about a whole load of things yesterday and today its all over.
Everything is so small.
I underestimated my life and my health.

I AM POSITIVE.

No...
Not HIV but positive for having heart complications.
Since I haven't really experienced my pain the Doc thinks its just the starting stage
Even he says that its all up to God.
I cried all the way in pastor's car.
Reuben was speechless.
I guess he had nothing to say.
Pastor tried his best to calm me down.
He said the only thing left is to pray to God.

Went for lunch at the coffee shop and I felt as if everyone was looking at me.
I had no appetite to eat and I told pastor not to waste his money.
Reuben felt bad too.
He did not eat either.
I said I needed to freshen up and went to the restroom.
My eyes were all puffed up and red.
It was so horrible.
Now what ever I do is going to affect my life and all the more I feel like dying.

Oh Father in heaven, I do not want to die yet. I have so many things that i havent accomplish and now dying seems like the only thing left. I do not want to die. Its hard having a painful death. Its not my time yet. And i don not want to go to heaven just as yet. Give me time. Just a little bit more time.

Check up is next month.
I'll go have to go for regular check ups.
And gosh I hate the medication.
Too many coloured pills.

I feel like whirling away from everything.